Beaker Exposition

I was asked to write some exposition about Friday, you know, to explain the picture.

What you see in the picture is two embryos - two of the five we were successful with "creating." Those two are the two that Dr. Perloe transferred yesterday.

Sheila called us very early in the morning to tell us how many of the 13 came back with a good report. That was the 5. She then told me to come right then to do the transfer because the embryos were ready. So Brett & I showered super quickly & headed to GRS, with me drinking as much Gatorade as I could as quickly as I could. They had us sit around for a little while to fill my bladder & then called us back to get ready. 

When we got into the Transfer Room in the IVF Suite, that picture (the one you see below) was on the monitor. They prepped me, filled the room with people doing different jobs & Dr. Perloe did the transfer. It took all of 10 minutes. Then we sat around to let Beaker 1 & Beaker 2 settle into their new home. All of the sudden, I was told to get dressed & I was done! It was over very quickly. 

How do I feel? I'm not sure. I don't feel different. I'm not trying to "bond" or anything because I'm not sure if this is going to work. I'm trying to be very positive, and sometimes I am, but I'm just not sure. I keep forgetting about it. I keep forgetting that I have to take it easy or that I need to remember such-and-such direction. I was lucky enough to go to Highlands, NC with some friends from OLA last night. They were so good to me - kept me from lifting things, insisted on helping, etc. They were really trying to protect the Beans. 

It just occurred to me that Team Beaker is now a support team & it's just up to my body to accept the Beans. 

What you're looking at in the pictures is the two Beakers. They are many MANY cells & I believe this is a picture of the blastocysts hatching from the shell. Interesting, huh?

Go Team Beaker!

Biggest Day!

Thing One & Thing Two Coburn.

GO TEAM BEAKER!!!

Ladies & Gentlemen Start Your Prayers!

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

Please pray that we have something to transfer & that all goes well with the transfer!

GO TEAM BEAKER!!

Expectations

Sheila called this morning with the embryo report. We didn't know what to expect. We managed ourselves & our expectations, hoping for more than 0. We hoped for 8, expected 4 or 6. Guess what? Of the 14 fertilized eggs, 13 of them survived to become embryos. Thirteen! Talk about exceeding expectations! 

Next, the embryo cells go up to Reprogenetics tomorrow. We'll have a report back by Thursday evening. Friday morning, if there are no good ones, someone will call to let us know. Otherwise, we're scheduled for the transfer on Friday at 11:30. Wowie Wow wow! Talk about Wackadoo Zoo! This is SO COOL! 

GO TEAM BEAKER!!

Fertilization!

Gail had told us that usually 50 - 60% of the eggs will fertilize. Brett is apparently SuperMan because of the 18, FOURTEEN fertilized. We're hoping for a large number to continue growing to embryo because of the PGH testing. But fourteen is a great number!

Now we have a football team!

Go Team Beaker!

And that's done.

I'm really sleepy, a little sore & crampy. 

But I wanted to report that they got 18 eggs. That's very good and we're happy about that.

Thanks for your prayers.

Go Team Beaker.

It's Here!

It's 6:30 in the morning. I'm not nervous. I'm not scared. I have put it on the altar & let it go. Today, my eggs are in more Powerful Hands than mine. I'll report back tonight, perhaps, about how many eggs they were able to retrieve. 

I can't believe that we're to this point already. The Science Fair Project has gone so quickly! We knew it would, and wow did it!

Keep us in your thoughts today, Dear. 

Go Team Beaker!

Big Day!

I have a giant target on my back. It says "Sheila was here." Sheila drew it this morning because Brett has to give me the HCG shot tonight. Know why? Know why? Because the retrieval is on Sunday!! Early, oh so early, in the morning - we have to be at GRS at 7:15 a.m. Woof! 

I had a great visit to the doctor this morning. Dr. Perloe was in an unusually good mood - I think my bright pink socks with purple polka-dots did it. He found 23 follicles, by which we can assume at least 20 eggs! But let's not get ahead of ourselves! 

Here's what will happen:

Sunday I'll have the retrieval and we'll know how many eggs he retrieved.

They'll put those eggs in petri dishes with about 50,000 sperm (give or take).

Monday someone will call and tell us how many eggs were fertilized.

Tuesday Sheila will call to tell me how many made it to (what they call) embryo.

Wednesday a cell from each blastocyst will go to Reprogenetics.

Friday we'll have the info back from Reprogenetics & we'll have the transfer.

I feel good about the decision to go with the three day testing. I talked more with Dr. Perloe about it this morning and got the science behind what he was suggesting. Dr. Perloe said that both are good options & that I should feel good about the PGD tests that we've already opted to do!

It's a big week for the Coburns & Team Beaker.

We really need prayers now! I put it on the altar last night and woke up feeling hopeful & happy. We appreciate all the calls & emails & comments. Thank you for being a part of our team!

Go Team Beaker!

Informative Statements

The Retrieval is set for Sunday. I'll get an appointment time tomorrow when I go in for my sixth ultrasound in two weeks. I'll also get a target drawn on my hip for the HCG shot that Brett has to give me. Perhaps Brett will write you, Dear, to tell you how the HCG shot went. 

For the retrieval I'll go in an hour before the actual procedure. I'll talk with the anesthesiologist & get prepped. Then in the procedure, they will put me into twilight & remove as many eggs as I have produced. That means that even though I have 19 follicles in there, I may not produce 19 eggs. That's why they're waiting another day - the bigger the follicles are, the more likely they will spew an egg. The more big ones we have, the more eggs there will be (theoretically). Brett will be there to do his part also and then bring me home.

We're getting ahead of ourselves. This is wackadoo zoo, man! Wackadoo Zoo!

Go Team Beaker! 

Ugh. Seriously?

I'm waiting to hear back from Sheila re: the retrieval. There's some speculation that it will be on Sunday. I may pop before Sunday! As of this morning, we still have nineteen baseballs - though now some are bigger! - growing. The largest of which measures at 20 mm in diameter - that's 2 cm! There are two slightly smaller ones - they're only 19 mm - and the rest are right around 17. 

I suppose it's because I'm uncomfortable, but I'm getting cranky & emotional. Dr. Perloe also tried to throw a wrench in the works when he said that he met with the head doctor from Reprogenetics in New Jersey & was suggesting that perhaps the blastocysts go through the 5 day CGH test. I almost had a stroke with the stress of making a decision about that on my own. So I didn't. I told him that Brett & I would discuss it and let him know. I also told him that I'm not comfortable being an early patient on that kind of testing. I got emotional about it when I told Sheila. She's good with me, though, and like Cat would have done, she told me to sit up & stop crying & then she'd talk to me. She knows how to handle me, I guess. I just got frustrated. 

I know that there are people in our lives that will never be able to have children. I understand that we're in a remarkable position to hope (with good reason) that we'll have our miracle. But we've been waiting an awfully long time. We've been through more than most people our age should go through. The 5-day test would put us back another 2 months & we're starting to get a little anxious. I suppose if we'd educated ourselves about that test & had that as our mental path, we could have been ready for the extra time needed to wait. But that wasn't on our radar, emotionally, physically, financially or mentally. 

I feel like I'm rationalizing to you, Dear. Perhaps I think if I could just have a little validation that the path we're on is GOOD - not necessarily right, because there isn't a "right" - maybe I'd feel better about it. 

Thanks for checking in today. Keep checking in to find out when the retrieval is.

Go Team Beaker!

Baseballs & Lemons

You're dying of curiosity! You've been pacing, looking out the window every three and a half minutes. You're anxious to hear about our visit to Dr. Perloe this morning, aren't you? Well, let me find a more comfortable reclining position & I'll settle in to tell you. 

The Monkeys have become baseballs. They are ginormous baseballs just itching to turn into something more. Like the horses at the Kentucky Derby, they're chomping at the bit - eager to Become, eager to Complete, eager to BE. They are indeed growing large! Remember how I'd reported that I'm having a hard time fitting into regular person clothes? Yes? Well! Let me tell you why! There are NINETEEN of those baseballs in there. Growing so beautifully. They're large large large & yet, not large enough. Oh, they will be. Believe you me, they will be! Two more days and they'll hopefully be full of eggies. Yes, two more days. We're pretty much set for Saturday for the retrieval. Oh my. That's a real sentence to write. 

Tomorrow I'll go back to see Dr. Perloe (I wonder if they'll get sick of me?) and he'll measure again and we'll make the appointment for retrieval. I love coming home with good news!

Go Team Beaker!

Beaker Shirts

I've been working on a Team Beaker shirt for Brett & me to have (and a few others who've asked).

Beaker usually looks unhappy & something unpleasant usually happens to him. I didn't really want to have an unhappy looking Beaker representing the Little Beaker, so I wanted to create it on my own. I also wanted to recreate it so it looked something like Beaker, but not completely like him. The attached picture will likely be on the front of the shirt. The back will say "Team Beaker" and I haven't decided if I'll put names on them or not. Probably not. I will post pictures of the shirts when they're finished.

TWELVE Little Monkeys!

Today, Dr. Perloe measured twelve little monkeys in there - 8 on the right still and 4 on the left! Way to go, Lefty! Catchin' up!

I'm markedly more uncomfortable (clothes-wise) today than I have been. It's completely normal & a good sign. I'm taking to wearing loose pants and loose dresses. Dr. Perloe said that everything looks great, so that's good, but we're not sure that Friday is going to be the day. We're just going to keep plugging along, praying for the little Monkeys & hoping that we can get some good news as we progress.

This is so cool!

Go Team Beaker!

Thickness

I feel thick. I can't sit in jeans comfortably anymore. 

I wonder what tomorrow's checkup will reveal? We're still hoping for a Friday the 22 retrieval date - That would mean that Barbarosa will have to do the Stimulation Shot on Wednesday.

Even sweats aren't helping with the thickness. I don't feel like eating 'cause the thick is taking over my entire body! 

Kinda cool that there's actually something very physically evident resulting from these awful shots at night. 

I'll report back tomorrow with the results of tomorrow's ultrasound and checkup.

Go Team Beaker!

Now Hear This!

I just want to throw it out there for all to know:

Even though he's giving me shots every night that hurt like nothing I've ever known,

And we can't have a baby the way everyone else does (the "fun" way [which is NOT his fault]),

Barbarosa is my favorite person on earth. He makes my heart sing. He makes those blues run. He makes everyday joyful, even when he doesn't feel like it. He makes me remember that there's only ONE person whose opinion matters (which I often forget).

I'm truly BLESSED to have him walking with me. I really like holding his hand. I love my Monkey.

So there.

Ten Little Monkeys

Today I went for my first check up re: follicular growth. During a mildly uncomfortable ultrasound, the Substitute Doctor (Dr. Perloe is out of town) found about 8 follicles growing on one side & two on the other. I appear to have a lazy ovary! But, while it's not the 20 for which we were hoping, Ten Little Monkeys is more than none. 

Decent news, for a Friday!

I'll continue with the all-too-awful nighttime shots & will go back to get checked again on Monday. We're still hopeful for a retrieval date on the 22 or 23. 

Have a great weekend, all.

Go Team Beaker!

Pain without Destruction is do-able

Today has been pretty good! I only had brief Evil Abdomen and not that bad, comparatively speaking. I appear to have breathed through it and it's not bad now. Momma & I were talking about it and what we've been saying is that hurting without anything actually being broken or (for lack of a better word) hurt is manageable. It's not going to last forever. These shots are temporary & for a very good cause! The hurt from them wasn't awful today - and it certainly isn't permanent. That's great!

Tonight is the season finale of LOST - I've mentioned that - and we have the whole group coming over tonight. We're very excited & it's helpful to me to have something to look forward to. (The grammatically correct version of that sentence doesn't make sense & sounds really snooty.) 

Two more shots & then on Friday I'll go in for my first daily visit. I believe (and I'll confirm this to you, Dearest, on Friday) that at this visit they'll begin the count for the retrieval. We're hoping for a retrieval on the 23rd. Realizing that we can't predict these things, and I'm certainly not going to argue with the retrieval date, we'd be happy with whatever happens, but it'd be nice to be able to continue living like everyone else does. 

Go Team Beaker!

Really? Are you Kidding me?

Last night was my first Phase III shot. Phase III includes a "cocktail" shot that contains Lupron - the suppressant - & Bravelle & Menopur - both follicle stimulants. Sheila had given me some Lidocaine cream to help with the sting, but because we didn't know how it worked, we decided that we'd try the first shot straight. Big mistake. That shot stung so bad - and was so nerve wracking - that I was dizzy from it. Kathleen & I had to go lie down on the couch so I could be pitiful for a minute. Oh My Gosh that one was uncomfortable! So, she rubbed my back & gave me Jelly Bellies & I got over it.

This morning was a whole new story. I woke up, thinking I was very very hungry & prepared some breakfast for Kathleen & myself. Then, the hunger pangs didn't go away. In fact, they got worse. And worse. And worse. Kathleen & I decided to go out for a minute, but it didn't last long. I was having a hard time driving, my tummy hurt so badly! We picked up some lunch and brought it home, but I didn't feel much like eating. K finally made me call Sheila. Sheila wasn't in today - which I knew - but Yolanda called me back right away. I knew that it was side effects

 from the Menopur (or Bravelle), and I think that helped Yolanda find out what to tell me. Here's what the "cure" was: tylenol. That's it. Yolanda said I couldn't take ANYTHING else. Nothing else to help. So, K & I just lounged around talking & having a good time together. The tylenol didn't help, by the way, only time & walking around helped. 

Here's my sappy bit: I'm so grateful for Kathleen. I'm always grateful that she is a part of my life. But last night & today were both scary, for different reasons, but scary nonetheless. Sh

e held my hand, talked to me & helped calm me down during all of this. It was truly a blessing to have her near me today. I was so scared of the awful feelings that I was having, and so scared of giving myself that shot and it really helped to have her near. 

Tonight Brett gave me my shot. We numbed my tummy up pretty well, mixed the cocktail & I handed him the needle for tonight. He did a great job. He wasn't shy about sticking me & that makes it go well. He amazes me with what he can do when he just does it. I'm very VERY nervous about tomorrow. I really don't want to have that awful feeling again. Tomorrow's LOST night also - the season finale - and I'm not going to cancel that! I'll just get it all together & we'll all have a good time in spite of Evil Abdomen! 

For now, I'm listening to Brett play guitar (oh my heart!) and enjoying feeling 98% awesome. Thanks for reading on tonight. I'm grateful to have a place to be completely honest about the way I'm feeling, and I'm grateful to have your prayers while Brett & I go through this incredibly crazy (yet incredibly cool) science fair project. 

Go Team Beaker!

-The Pink Pincushion-

Side Effects, suck.

As unpaid typist for Mrs. Coburn, I have the pleasure"?" of writing you concerning her resent, and rather unpleasant, side effects. In fact, her tummy hurts. That's all I have to say about that, but as always, Adele is taking the pain in stride (although she does not think so, but she's too hard on herself.)  She's doing a wonderful job of doing such a hard thing.  So...go Team Beaker and pray she feels better. 

However, I think we are still enjoying ourselves.

(I don't think she will hire me on as full time typist. I don't follow directions very well and have a tendency to edit too much.) Much love, Kathleen.

Menopur & Bravelle

I did my first shot of phase III last night. I'm really glad Kathleen was here to sit with me & hold my hand & give me Jelly Bellies. That shot really stunk. It hurt like mad. It stung. It was stressful making sure that I had the correct dosages & measurements. It was odd. I didn't like it. I know it's for a good cause. I know that I have to do it again. I really don't want to. But I guess file it under "whatever" and "fine, I'll try again." But I really don't want to.

I guess I have to say Go Team Beaker. But no one else has to take shots to cheer for Team Beaker. So, everyone else say Go Team Beaker. I'll just sit here and quietly wish that this was over already. 

And that's the honest truth about Menopur & Bravelle shots. I'm glad Kathleen was here to feed me Jelly Bellies. 

Update

Today was the third check for my estrogen levels. I had to get there, get blood drawn & get to the airport to pick up Kathleen by 10. Do you know that Kathleen's here? It's an exciting day. 

Sheila called - finally - at 1:30 to tell me that I can FINALLY begin Phase III.

So that means that I will start the "cocktail" shot tonight to stimulate the follicle growth & hopefully stimulate the maturation of a ton of eggs for the harvesting. Harvesting will hopefully take place now on the 22, 23 or 24th. That's all for now. I'm going to go hang out with Kathleen. Do you know that she's here?

Go Team Beaker!

Cracking me Up

This was in my email last night. I'm not sure which Ramsden is responsible for it, but Brett & I were laughing about it until late into the night. The original is followed by our response.

Isn't it wonderful to be able to laugh at ourselves? Love you Mom, Dad & K-Girl!

Dear Neighbor,

Feathers are flying on your roof because we have no place else to go.  That being the case I wish to lodge a grievance concerning the demolition of a prominent tree at the Coburn property:  In this depressed housing market, I must voice my outrage at the action taken by Mrs. AFC in the dismembering of my residence in order to improve said property owner's value.  Although, it may have been beneficial to Mrs. Coburn, the whimsical contracting of demolition without permit to eradicate my residence of 12 years is dispicable and diabolical.  The deliberate destruction of my family abode has cost my family not only monetary loss of a domicile that would take several years to replace, but has also left my family homeless.  Legal action is my only recourse for the damages I have incurred from you and the anonymous chainsaw conspirator.

If you would care to right this wrong, I require payment of two bales of pine needles and one 10 gallon maple to be planted where Brett Coburn's rose garden now resides.  Also, 2 lbs. of bird seed per month placed in plaxiglass feeder would cover psychological damages.

Signed,

Mr. and Mrs. Tweety Bird and family

 

Our Response?

Sue me if you want. I have a great lawyer attorney.

signed,

Mrs. Brett Coburn (Adele)

P.S. There's a lovely Japanese Maple across the street with your name on it. Go reside there. And send K-Girl up here speedy-quick.

Laughter really IS the best medicine!

Go Team Beaker!

Your Brain on Lupron

Today was an interesting day, Hormonal Freakshow-wise. I mowed the lawn. Then I got mad that the Shaburn (the lawn between us & the Shafers) hasn't been mowed by the lawn-guy (who's a jerk), so I mowed that too. Then, after discussing my energy burst with ...someone who might rather remain nameless... I thought it might be a good idea to cut down the tree that I've been asking ...someone... to cut down since last fall. So, Nameless loaned me her husband's hacksaw and said she'd come over to watch. Here's the sorta before picture:

 

I say "sorta" because I'd already trimmed some branches off. 

Here's Me, cutting the tree with a hacksaw:

Then, this nice guy came strolling down the street with his chainsaw. He said, "Would you like some help with that or are you trying to do it the hard way?" So, we said that'd be alright and here he is working on the tree.

Now, the front of our house looks like this:

We get a lot more sun in the front now. And I feel a lot better. 

Probably shouldn't get my hair cut right now, though, huh?

Update

I went to GRS this morning so they could recheck my estrogen levels. I have two things to say about that. 

First: Sheila was there. She came over to talk with me & check on how I'm feeling. So I told her the broccoli story - in full four part harmony - and she just about fell over laughing. I was cracking up at her laughing about me crying. 

Second: My estrogen levels are STILL not low enough! So, I'll go in on Monday for another test to see if they've gone down some. This is insane! I didn't realize I'm this much of a woman. Hah hah hah. Ugh. 

We have a very busy few days ahead of us! The very VERY best part is that KATHLEEN is going to be here for a couple of days!! Yes, Kathleen! I absolutely cannot wait to have her here! I feel a little sorry for her, because I'm still a Hormonal Freakshow, but I have a feeling I can control it a little better when she's here! Huzzah!

Go Team Beaker!

Holy Hormones, Batman!

I just had to share this little humor... I've been alright today (cried about something I read this morning), but generally just kinda going along. So, my mother-in-law just called to discuss weekend plans & I got all choked up & started crying. Over, I think, a side dish. What in the HECK is that all about? Now, I think it's rather funny. Then, I was just feeling confused. Why am I crying over nothing? There's nothing wrong with me...  (Nothing that 100 bucks won't fix, right Barbarosa?) 

And now, I laugh and shake my head. 

Go Team Beaker! ...I guess. Oy.

Medical Update

Apparently I'm not menopausal enough. My estrogen levels were still too high, so I can't start Phase III yet. For now, I need to do Phase IIb - Lupron shots twice a day. I'll go back on Friday to check the estrogen level again. All target dates have been pushed back now, I guess. Nothing's easy for a Lemon. 

After the Storm

You people rock! What an outpouring of love to a Crazed Menopausalish there's been! Thank you! I'm better today after having been in NOLA with my heartthrob. We had a wonderful time rebooting & recharging. Barbarosa was so relaxed & happy this weekend - what a blessing for him to be able to unwind & take a break!

You know, this is a funny part of life. A path down which one never expects to walk. One never expects to be the person someone else knows who's done IVF. But it is our path & down it we do walk. I'm glad that I have this place to expose my feelings. I'm a very open person about this process. I am not ashamed of my emotions as I walk & I'm happy to share my experience with others. I'm feeling so much better today than I did on Thursday. It's remarkable how the swings work. This morning, at the baseline appointment, I cried twice for no good reason. It's obviously because I'm a Hormonal Freakshow, and it's a little bit funny, but I'm a little tired of it. Barbarosa is SO good about it. He takes it in stride, rubs my back, says that it will be alright, and helps me move past it. I get happy again and move on. 

The part that kills me is that in my head, I know I'm alright. In my head, I know that nothing's hurting me or actually bothering me. In my head, I know that I'm tampering with my hormone levels. But when your body is so screwy and you start crying because the nurse hasn't come in yet or because you have to have (yet another) ultrasound, it seems like such a real & present sadness. Then, after I've had a good minute to cry, I start laughing about how stupid I'm being. It's vicious! 

So, that's enough about my feelings. Here's what's next. I'm waiting for Sheila (my heart) to call me back with my blood work report. If it's gone as planned, then we'll start phase three. Phase three entails turning me into Fertile Myrtle (as Petunia puts it). That means it's time to start stimulating the follicles in my ovaries to create multiple eggs. Woohoo! I feel very in the thick of things. Speaking of thick: theoretically, now, my ovaries are going to plump up with the volume of eggs & I'm going to start feeling thick & uncomfortable. Just in time for Swimsuits! YAY! Let's file that under "Whatever" and "It's for a good cause". 

Doing great with the shots. I'm learning how to inject without feeling it too much. B stands there and cheers me on. So grateful for him! We have our injection routine down to a science, though tonight it might change. 

So for now, Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Go Team Beaker!