It's amazing to me how life throws things at you just to see how fast you can duck. Or, as Brett puts it, all of the sudden, life smacks you upside the head. I think he added, "and then runs away laughing" but that might be my brain putting words in his mouth. However, the general thought around here is that God can't possibly give you more than you can handle. Brett & I must be, HAVE TO BE, the two strongest people anyone has ever known. Ever.
After over a month of feeling pretty rotten about ourselves and others, this morning we both woke up feeling the sun warm on our backs. That is to say, I didn't cry myself to sleep last night, consider bolting this morning (though I need new tires & B. says Not Until I Say I Won't Bolt), or think I would spend the day in my jammy pants. Instead, I feel here. I feel decent. Mostly, I feel.
You're curious as to whether or not we've made a decision. No. We haven't. Well, I guess we have, but before we commit to it, we have to decide how far we're willing to go with IVF before we say OK that's cool, and move on to our next option.
Here's the dealeo about me feeling better about all this. Kathleen & I were talking last night - the first time she & I have had any sort of conversation since all this happened (sorry K.) and she made me think about it all very differently. First, she said that it's perfectly normal for me to be miserable and mopey, and I'll get out of it. It may take me running away to Mom & Dad Ramsden's for a few days, but I'll come through it. Brett & I have struggled with IVF because we were sad that New Beans would be Scientifically Created instead of Created the Old Fashioned Way. Here's what Kathleen said to that: It's not that they aren't created out of Love, but instead they are created out of Great Love. They are so wanted that you (Brett & I) are going to go to great lengths to get them to be in our family. Isn't that a nice way to look at it? Leave it to Kathleen.
So, all of that being said, for today I'm Pretty Good. I'm looking at Life in a way that I haven't seen it in quite some time. We ARE getting better all the time. I'm so very glad that I talked with Kathleen - she generally can, in her own special way, make things better. I'm so grateful for the friends & neighbors who've stopped by to talk with me, to share their stories of hope & to lend a shoulder.
For a family of Science Lovers, the next year or so should be very interesting. I'll bet you can't wait to see what happens next.
We'll keep you posted.
Love you.